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Assessment of Polygamy Consequences

Assessment
Monday, 23 April 2007, 06:04 PM

The Grade is : 42.30 (Maximum grade 75)

 

Element 1:

How well does the introduction get the reader's interest, and describe the topic?

Weight: 0.25

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

Actually the first sentence has some mistakes.."Ending up marrying someone new is the solution for the groom". Also the following sentence what does it mean?” of why Ahmed’s life being miserable." who is Ahmad? You didn't mention anything about him before, i think it is a part of a sentence in your first draft and you forgot to delete it. However, asking some questions is good, and going from general to narrow is also excellent.

 

Element 2:

How well does the thesis make an argument and follow a plan of development within a single sentence?

Weight: 0.25

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

Actually, your thesis doesn't reflect your opinion; try to show your opinion. Also, I have to repeat the idea of Ahmad which isn't related to the topic

 

Element 3:

How well does the body match the thesis and how well does it support the thesis through the use of evidence and specific examples

Weight: 0.25

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

You had strong topic sentences for the first two paragraphs. However, the third paragraph doesn't have! Also, you keep giving examples about Ahmad who we don't know! It was better if you just gives examples related to the whole society. Most importantly, you didn't talk about divorce although you mentioned it in your thesis

 

Element 4:

Did the author attempt to use APA documentation?

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Yes               No

Feedback:

You used it, but you didn't have ones from the reading( Either Mojtabai or Richardson) Try to add more for your portfolio!

 

Element 5:

Did the author follow the assignment?

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Yes               No

Feedback:

I don't think you followed the assignment.

 

Element 6:

How well does the conclusion re-emphasize or summarize key points; reaffirm the thesis and persuasive purpose in writing this essay, and perhaps deliver an appropriate call to action from your readers, or provide a satisfying sense of closure by exploring the implications of the argument in a more global sense.

Weight: 0.25

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

Your conclusion has weaknesses and there are a lot of mistakes in it, try to rephrase and arrange your sentences to make the conclusion stronger.
For example, the following sentence isn't in your thesis "doing everything is not enough for your wives as long as they don’t appreciate"

 

Element 7:

How good is the grammar and spelling in the draft?

5- Not a single error you can find
4- 1-2 minor errors
3- 1/3 of sentences contain errors
2- 1/2 of sentences contain errors
1- More than 1/2 of sentences contain errors
0- Unreadable

Weight: 0.25

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

I saw a lot of mistakes in your first paragraph

 

Element 8:

In the end, does the author make a point worth making?

Weight: 0.25

Grade:

Yes               No

Feedback:

You made an argument, but it is not a strong one.

 

Element 9:

Imagine you are the teacher. Give the draft a grade on a 100 point scale.

Weight: 4.00

Grade:

Feedback:

Sorry for that! But believe me your essay is very weak; it needs a lot of adjustments!

 

General comment:

I think you did an awful mistake when adjusting your first draft, as you left the things about Ahmad. Also, you have to include a reference page. Finally, work on this essay hard to improve your portfolio grade.

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