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Assessment of Cultural Fragmentation V.S Multicultural Community

Assessment
Sunday, 1 April 2007, 06:30 PM

The Grade is : 1.10 (Maximum grade 3)

 

Element 1:

How well does the introduction get the reader's interest, and describe the topic?

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

I felt that you started the essay without an introduction. I was really missed up!

 

Element 2:

How well does the thesis make an argument and follow a plan of development within a single sentence?

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

Where is your thesis? I couldn't figure it out. Also, I don't think that there is a plan of development since the thesis is unclear!

 

Element 3:

How well does the body match the thesis and how well does it support the thesis through the use of evidence and specific examples

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

You talked about nations before decades and now. You talked also about advantages and disadvantages of multiculturalism. So, it seems that you are talking about more than one topic. Try to stick to one point. You have a lot of strong ideas but you didn't use them well.

 

Element 4:

Did the author attempt to use APA documentation?

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Yes               No

Feedback:

You used it, but not efficiently. Besides, you must write the references you used. Most of what you wrote is not from your own words. So you have to use the APA more!

 

Element 5:

Did the author follow the assignment

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Yes               No

Feedback:

you did a good job here! Excellent

 

Element 6:

How well does the conclusion re-emphasize or summarize key points; reaffirm the thesis and persuasive purpose in writing this essay, and perhaps deliver an appropriate call to action from your readers, or provide a satisfying sense of closure by exploring the implications of the argument in a more global sense.

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

Your conclusion is unclear, and I don't think that the conclusion you wrote is a conclusion!

 

Element 7:

How good is the grammar and spelling in the draft?

5- Not a single error you can find
4- 1-2 minor errors
3- 1/3 of sentences contain errors
2- 1/2 of sentences contain errors
1- More than 1/2 of sentences contain errors
0- Unreadable

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

You have a lot of spelling mistakes such as “theses". Try also to take care of verb tenses.

 

Element 8:

In the end, does the author make a point worth making?

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Yes               No

Feedback:

Your topic is nice for argument, but you didn't transfer it well to me!

 

Element 9:

Imagine you are the teacher. Give the draft a grade on a 100 point scale.

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Feedback:

I felt that you talked about both globalization and multiculturalism. You don't have a clear introduction, as well as a clear conclusion. Also, you have a lot of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, not to mention that you have to use the APA documentation more. Finally, try to write a strong thesis for you topic and don't forget to include a plan of development in your thesis!

 

General comment:

Please follow the comments I have written for you in order to get a better grade in the final draft.
Good luck!

 

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