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Assessment of Racism also reaches the World Wide Web

Assessment
Monday, 5 March 2007, 06:28 PM
The Grade is : 1.45 (Maximum grade 3)
 

Element 1:

How well does the introduction get the reader's interest, and describe the topic?

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

Introduction is very weak, you have to rephrase it and make it related to the issue we need to discuss in this essay.

 

Element 2:

How well does the thesis make an argument and follow a plan of development within a single sentence?

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

I couldn't figure out your thesis. Try to make it clear so as readers can know what you are going to talk about. Also, try to be more specific.

 

Element 3:

How well does the body match the thesis and how well does it support the thesis through the use of evidence and specific examples

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

Well, since your thesis is not clear, I think you better mention the name of the site you are going to talk about in the thesis or introduction

 

Element 4:

How well does the conclusion re-emphasize or summarize key points; reaffirm the thesis and persuasive purpose in writing this essay, and perhaps deliver an appropriate call to action from your readers, or provide a satisfying sense of closure by exploring the implications of the argument in a more global sense.

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

Conclusion is very weak, you talked about things that are not mentioned in your introduction. Also, try to put the conclusion in a separate paragraph so as we can notice it.

 

Element 5:

How good is the grammar and spelling in the draft?

5- Not a single error you can find
4- 1-2 minor errors
3- 1/3 of sentences contain errors
2- 1/2 of sentences contain errors
1- More than 1/2 of sentences contain errors
0- Unreadable

Weight: 1.00

Grade:

Excellent                           Very Poor

Feedback:

1)Remove which from "The internet service provider controls which sites you are allowed to view", not to mention that this sentence needs to be rephrased.

2) Change"we were taught about
substitutes a few days ago and putting this knowledge into use I see Facebook as substitute to Hi5" to " I was taught......"

3)Ommit to from the following"He has a priority in visiting any site he wishes to"

 

Element 6:

Imagine you are the teacher. Give the draft a grade on a 100 point scale.

Weight: 4.00

Grade:

Feedback:

Your essay is very weak. it doesn't match with the purpose of this type of essays, your introduction is weak, your thesis is not clear, and your conclusion isn't good. You must rephrase many sentences, not to mention that you have to take care of comma splices and other punctuation marks.

 

General comment:

Your essay is very weak. it doesn't match with the purpose of this type of essays, your introduction is weak, your thesis is not clear, and your conclusion isn't good. You must rephrase many sentences, not to mention that you have to take care of comma splices and other punctuation marks.Most importantly, the topic must be changed.

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